What happens in couples counselling?
Your questions answered
If you are new to couples counselling, it is normal to feel nervous or uncomfortable about what to expect. It takes courage to visit a complete stranger and share your deepest feelings. I want to put your mind at rest and de-mystify what happens in couples counselling.
Arriving for the first appointment may be the toughest step in your couples counselling journey. Once you’re there, the space we create together is comfortable and safe. You’ll be warmly welcomed, shown into my quiet, private room, offered tea or water, and seated together on a comfortable sofa.
You will each be invited to share your experience about what is going on for you in the relationship. Each partner will be invited to speak in turn, while I and your partner listen. You’ll soon see that couples counselling offers a ‘container’ for both partners to express their feelings and challenges in the relationship.
It is very common for couples to find themselves in patterns of miscommunication or conflict at home. But this setting allows for a constructive exploration of those dynamics. During the sessions, both individuals can voice their concerns and points of view without fear of interruption or argument, facilitating a better understanding of each other's perspectives.
We also look at what each partner wants from the relationship. This varies for every relationship, but most partners want to feel closer and communicate better. We discuss your priorities and hopes for the relationship, and this sets the agenda for the counselling.
Couples often feel a great sense of relief after the first session because they are finally addressing their issues comfortably. I usually suggest a simple task for you to do at home between sessions, like spending a few minutes each night discussing your day.
Over the series of sessions, we track improvements at home and assess issues and barriers that still need work. The sessions can be challenging, but they also provide opportunities for fun and growth. And we never aim for perfection, we aim for you to feel like a couple again!
Do we need to prepare anything for our first session?
No, all you need to do is turn up. The focus of the first session will be on getting to know you and what is going on in your relationship.
What if there are things we don’t want to discuss?
You do not have to discuss anything you're uncomfortable with. You always have the right to keep your thoughts private. Counselling should never feel confrontational or forced. You should feel in control throughout the process. However, sharing is important for building a strong relationship and doing effective work together.
How many sessions do we need?
While some couples find relief after just two or three sessions, generally a series of around six sessions is effective for most couples. If budget is a constraint, I aim to get the maximum value for your from just a couple of sessions. For those seeking more profound and lasting change, or navigating deeply entrenched issues or an affair, engaging in counselling over several months is beneficial.
In your first session we discuss your hopes for the counselling process and how many sessions might best suit your needs and budget. You are never locked into a set number of sessions; we assess progress as we go along.
Will what we share ever get out to other people?
What you tell a counsellor is treated with upmost respect and remains completely private and confidential. Under the limitations of Victorian law, the only instances that confidentiality needs to be breached is when there is risk of harm to yourself or another person (including mandatory reporting of suspected child abuse), or if records are subpoenaed by a court of law. A counsellor can lose their professional registration by breaching confidentiality outside of the legal limits.
I provide a relaxing and supportive service for both partners. To help ease any anxiety, I schedule appointments with space in between, so you won't see other clients when you arrive or leave. Working through your experiences in counseling can strengthen your connection and improve understanding between you. Over time, these changes can be very rewarding. I look forward to welcoming you!
