More about couples counselling
Why couples counselling?
Are you and your partner experiencing emotional pain, or just feel disconnected? Couples counselling offers a supportive environment to explore and address your relationship issues.
We will explore what each partner wants from the relationship and identify the issues causing problems. For couples who want to stay together, we’ll look at skills and behaviours both partners can develop to bring back love and enjoyment. Throughout this process, both partners will be treated with respect and compassion. By encouraging open communication and understanding, we can improve empathy and support in your relationship. Together, we will find tools and strategies that help each partner grow while also strengthening your bond.
It's normal to feel nervous about couples counselling. Many people worry about sharing personal feelings with a counsellor. However, the space we create together is safe and comfortable. Choosing to participate in this process shows your desire for growth and change in the relationship. This willingness to explore your experiences together can lead to a deeper connection and better understanding between partners. The results can be very rewarding.
What couples counselling can help with:
Learn better communication skills
Learn how to have real conversations again like you used to. Listen to understand and avoid the pitfalls of criticism and defensiveness that are blocking your ability to communicate. We practice having constructive conversations from the very first session of couples counselling, focusing on your real-life issues, so that you can replicate the techniques to communicate better at home. You will also learn about the three different types of conversations couples need to have - to help you show up for your partner in the way that they need you to.
Manage your conflict more lovingly
Its normal to disagree in a relationship, but by getting a deeper understanding of the more complex issues sitting behind your conflicts, you will be able to see your pattern of fighting in a new light. Ultimately, you will learn about one another’s conflict style, attachment needs, how to lovingly maintain a difference of opinion, how to compromise, and how to manage your conflict and repair without the bitterness and hurt that’s wearing you both down.
Build connection, intimacy and shared meaning
Relationships are more than just communication and conflict. Even strong relationships can be enriched by learning techniques for deepening your bond and creating a shared vision together. The way you connect each day; the weekly, monthly and annual rituals you put in place to get the most from your relationship; and the way you express gratitude and appreciation for one another all contribute to building a meaningful and fulfilling life together.
Process an affair or betrayal
Experiencing betrayal is like having the rug of your life pulled out from under you. Nothing makes sense anymore. You wonder if the relationship was even real? Did they really love you? How could they possibly do this to you? For the partner that betrayed, there is usually a lot of guilt and shame to work through. Carrying the weight of the hurt they created is an enormous task. And where do things go from here? The journey after an affair or betrayal is a long and difficult one. Counselling provides a container to support both of you through the process in the most constructive way possible.
Start marriage on solid ground
Start as you wish to continue by learning vital relationship skills before you marry. By enhancing awareness and setting joint intentions around the most important aspects of your relationship, you will enjoy greater relational resilience as life throws you its challenges. Through guided discussions you will be supported to share your marriage vision, expectations and values with your partner. You will work through some fundamentals around finances, children, housework and in-laws. And you will learn invaluable communication and conflict management skills to set you up for a fulfilling life together.
Come to a decision about separation
Making the decision to end a relationship is one of life’s most painful experiences. It can be too overwhelming to navigate this decision on your own. Pre-separation counselling provides you with a non-legal, supportive space to have constructive conversations together about which path you each want to take. We examine what changes might be necessary to give the relationship another chance. Alternatively, if the decision is to part ways, we explore what that will look like on a practical level, agreeing on steps to take moving forward.
Have you forgotten how to be kind to each other and want to reconnect ?
What happens in couples counselling?
Relax, it’s not at all scary
Couples counselling offers a ‘container’ for both partners to express their feelings and challenges in the relationship. It is not uncommon for couples to find themselves in patterns of miscommunication or conflict, and this setting allows for a constructive exploration of those dynamics. During the sessions, both individuals can voice their concerns and priorities, facilitating a better understanding of each other's perspectives.
The process involves exploring deeper underlying issues that may be contributing to current tensions. It’s designed to break the cycle of ineffective communication, enabling partners to engage in meaningful discussions that may have felt impossible outside of this setting. Empathy plays a crucial role in this process; as a counsellor, I strive to ensure that each partner is heard and validated in their experiences.
While some couples find relief after just two or three sessions, others may need a more extended commitment to truly address entrenched issues. Generally, a series of around six sessions can be effective for many. For those seeking more profound and lasting change, engaging in counselling over several months is beneficial.
The sessions can be challenging, but they also provide opportunities for fun and growth. By developing new communication skills, couples often find that their entire perspective on relationships can transform, positively impacting other areas of their lives as well.
Couples usually leave the first session feeling a huge sense of relief that things are finally being addressed, and in a comfortable way. Over sessions, we track improvements at home and assess issues and barriers that still need work. We don’t aim for perfection, we aim for you to feel like a couple again!