Healing from betrayal
How ‘affairs counselling’ works
Affairs counselling is specifically designed to address the complexities and emotional turmoil arising from infidelity. It aims to provide a safe environment for both partners to explore their feelings, understand the reasons behind the affair, and work towards healing and rebuilding trust.
Betrayal trauma
Betrayal trauma occurs when someone experiences deep emotional pain as a result of a partner's infidelity. This is a period of intense emotions involving disbelief, confusion, rage, grief and sadness. Understanding betrayal trauma is an essential part of affairs counselling, as it helps both partners to acknowledge the impact of the betrayal on their emotional health and on the relationship.
Stages of healing
Acknowledgment and awareness
The first step is recognising what has occurred and being aware of the emotional pain involved. Both partners must openly discuss the affair and its implications. This stage focuses on understanding the nature of the betrayal and committing to openness and transparency from here.
Emotional processing
Each partner needs to process their pain. This will look different for each partner, but it is important to make sense of what both partners are feeling. Usually, the betrayed partner is consumed by anger and sadness, while the partner who betrayed is feeling a lot of shame and guilt. Counselling provides a framework to explore these feelings safely and constructively.
Understanding and ownership
When both partners feel ready, we then look at the dynamics of the relationship and the contextual factors that led to the affair. Understanding how you got here is crucial for moving forward. While we look at both partners’ roles in the relationship’s deterioration, it is important to note that we never victim-blame here. Choosing to have an affair is one choice of many options an unhappy partner can make. We seek to understand why the affair happened, but not to excuse it.
Rebuilding trust
This stage involves establishing new patterns of communication and connection. Both partners must actively work towards rebuilding trust by turning back towards one another and committing to the growth of the relationship. Counselling helps couples negotiate the tricky feelings that arise in this stage, like emotional vulnerability and self-protection.
Creating a new relationship
In the final stage, couples focus on creating their relationship 2.0 based on the lessons learned from processing the affair. This involves setting new rituals, boundaries, improving communication skills, and fostering deeper intimacy. The aim is to get the relationship to the point where betrayal would never be on the table again.
Affairs counselling support is vital for couples navigating the aftermath of infidelity. By understanding betrayal trauma and engaging in the stages of recovery, partners can work towards healing and creating a stronger, more resilient relationship.
