Couples in retirement
Create a shared vision, communicate well, and re-assess roles
Retiring as a couple requires meticulous planning and effective communication to ensure a successful transition. Many couples fall into the trap of simply assuming they both want the same things in retirement. In reality, couples need to engage in in-depth conversations about retirement opportunities and strategies. The secret to a happy and fulfilling retirement as a couple is finding the sweet spot of pursuing your individual goals and aspirations, while also fulfilling a shared vision for retirement together.
If you are a couple retiring together, here are the top three things you need to plan for:
Create a shared retirement vision as well as your individual retirement visions
The most important factor for couples to retire well is understanding that three retirement visions are required: each of your individual visions, plus a shared vision together. Your individual visions are based upon your unique personality, aspirations, relationships, interests and goals. Rarely are these identical and I would argue they absolutely shouldn’t be. Your shared vision comprises the dreams you want to fulfil together.
Then it’s a matter of finding your groove in supporting one another’s aspirations, while also fostering the shared vision together. A couples counsellor plays an integral role here by helping you explore your expectations of one another, and helping you shape the right balance between individual pursuits and couple time.
2. Enhance your communication skills
Data shows divorce rises around retirement age. When we retire, long-simmering marital tensions escalate, and new tensions arise from the life adjustments that are required of us. Not only does our daily life together require a wholesale reboot, but many of us want more out of life and marriage now that our focus is no longer directed towards our career or raising a family.
Higher level communication skills are paramount to retiring well as a couple. And I don’t mean finding ways to avoid arguments and keeping the peace. I mean really being able to listen to your partner so that they feel heard, supported and understood. I mean knowing how to have the three different kinds of conversations we need to have in our relationship. And I mean knowing how to use your differences and conflicts as a way to deepen your connection, not erode it. Couples counselling can teach you better ways to communicate together and how to lovingly manage your conflict.
3. Re-assess roles and responsibilities
Retirement brings a shift in expectations around the roles and responsibilities within a marriage. Perhaps one partner used to manage the finances and the other partner managed domestic chores. Don’t assume the roles you held as a working couple will simply carry over as a retired couple. For example, it is critical that both partners are involved in the finances in the event of one partner passing away. And the burden of household chores needs to be split to be fairly.
Retirement is an opportune time to throw the roles and responsibilities within your marriage up in the air and arrange them differently for this next chapter of life. It might sound granular, but getting the practical stuff right in retirement is key. Talk about it openly between yourselves and with your couples counsellor, and rearrange duties fairly and transparently to ensure a harmonious and balanced partnership during retirement.
Retirement for one or both partners represents a significant and often transformative life transition that can present numerous challenges and adjustments. Effective planning and open communication between partners are absolutely vital to navigating this significant change successfully. Engaging in discussions with a qualified couples counsellor can be an ideal and constructive way to step into this new chapter with greater awareness, understanding, and valuable information that can support both partners in this journey.
